(Images) ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ (About) ｡ﾟ☆





Dream Girl, 2024
published in DREAMS, Onomatopee, Eindhoven NL
read during the finissage of Dreams of dreams of dreams, Onomatopee, Eindhoven NL 

coming soon




Milk Star, 2024
published by hooops, 2024, Berlin DE 



four modes
    shedding
    absorbing
    remembering
    conserving

three settings
    Mountain
    Valley
    Mountain-and-Valley


memory works like a weed growing roots in one place and blowing seeds to another

sky changes color
forms loose definition 
insomnia
at night i remember stuff

eins 
zwei 
drei 
vier 
fünf
sechs
sieben 
acht 
neun 
zehn

a faint beat 

my body grows heavier 
i become a vague presence
falling asleep falling awake
leaking into another world
waves will catch you
    

    instruction:
    breathe in, breathe out 
    drink your tea

i see pickled daisies
i see freshly foraged nettle
i see the grass dancing  
i see blooming lilacs
i see food being flowers
i see flowers being food

a bunch of blooming dandelions in a glass vase
their white fuzzy seeds almost glowing 

artemis didnt want to get married to a man 
and was banned from the city 
to live in the mountain forests with a group of nymphs 
being a major lesbian  

she is also the goddess of a NASA program
that is dedicated to return astronauts to the lunar surface

“Our success will change the world”

Artemis Generation ™ 

mugwort likes a wasteland
it lives in cracks and next to the highway




we drink the tea and go to sleep 

we are standing in the kitchen 
i am making Roasted Dandelion Root Tea

dandelion
milk witch
white wandering seeds
ghost of a flower
white fuzz 

i read in thea lenarduzzis “Dandelions”
the delicate white flowers are used as an analogy for the mind transformed by alzheimers
“decay of a flowering brain 
pollinating the world”


she tells me she recently learned that 
at 20 weeks 
a fetus with an uterus has a fully developed reproductive system
with six to seven million eggs

the egg that later grew into me 
was already present in my mothers 
before my mothers belly 

the egg that later grew into my mother 
was already present in my mother 
before my mother 
before my mothers belly

anna 
christina 
marguerite 
louise 
this is already where my knowledge of the line ends

a few weeks ago 
i turned the same age 
my mother had when she was growing me 

i read online that after starting the menstrual cycle
a person loses about 1,000 immature eggs every month 
on extendfertility.com 
i learn that this number even accelerates with age
accelerates, in italics 
“the good news is 
that egg freezing makes use of some of those 
otherwise lost eggs”

reading more about this i learn 
that when pregnancy does not occur
the egg is absorbed back into the body 
and the thick lining in the uterus is shed 
this is the period

after the period ends 
the cycle begins again 

a body bleeding

a seed
a stone
a stone being a seed being a body bleeding

i wonder if the eggs are actually lost 
if they are just absorbed back into my body




search terms: past, present, dream

living the dream
putting some dreams on ice 

a long time ago you sent me a postcard 
with a drawing by paul klee
Vergesslicher Engel 
forgetful angel

the angel looks down
slightly embarrassed

paul klee drew over 80 angels
they signified 
a crossing
a portal
a transition from life to death
i lost so many memories i had of the mother before my mother
Grossmami i called her
when i started writing this text 
i had even forgotten for a moment 
that she died of alzheimers
growing up i knew she was not a kind mother 
to my mother

i remember 
being in the laundry room 
i loved the cool stone floor 
and I liked being down there 
the room was filled with light 
and you could step out 
and be in the middle of the flower garden

i remember grossmami mending my doll gleisi
in an attempt to give her a tan 
i had placed gleisi on the stove and burned her
instead of a face there was white fuzzy wool coming out of her head
grossmami gave her a new face and she explained to me that it looked neat 
to place one of gleisis braids in the front 
and one in the back

i remember grossmami 
not being able to walk up the stairs of the house
she spent her time in a hospital bed in the TV room
i dont remember if grossmami remembered me

white fuzz
cloud thoughts 
brain fog

we enter through a narrow door into a roomaccompanied by our guidethey are completely dressed in whitethey lead us through a corridor through a door and sit us down on two plastic chairsthey ask us to focus our eyes onto the screen at all timeswe see a baby bird falling down a cliffit falls and falls we see it fall and fallit falls and fallsthe small feathery body bangs against rocks and is thrown around

cutwe see a naked pregnant person kneeling in the grasswe see a baby head being pushed out of their vaginawe see them holding a crying baby

cut

the guide comes back in and asks us questions about parenthoodthey ask us about our individual reproductive desires and predicaments
one thing you should never do is attempt to summon angels
they wont relate 
demons are more understanding
angels are endless 
and outside human time and emotions
they will never empathize
they are strict and unyielding 
they come to us with messages but they dont text 
you learned this from a witch who learned it on tiktok

they have no individuality and no story
nothing to choose from 
the moment they choose 
they fall out of the skies
like lucifer, 

falling for

a morning star




we gather on a blanket by the water 
and i read you this poem i found 

       Summer, Lake

       You can’t fish
       for light, or

       You can, but
       you have to

       throw it back.

above us birds circling
they move as a cloud and take a rest in a tree
a helicopter turning
the clouds are dark 
the water is murky
with spots of pollen floating
like there was an oil spill

another word for “seedbank”
#girlmoss
you can cook whatever you want but it should be small cute bites instagramable
looking at the clouds
learning names for leaves
im just vibing over here 

my desire to conserve seeds and eggs

what happens to a seed vault built into permafrost 
once when the permafrost melts 
how much rent do i have to pay for my eggs 
to be stored off-site

the mother 
before my mother 
before my mother 
was louise bergundtal
which translates into mountain-and-valley

i never knew about this name before 
and I love it for the balance it carries
balance being something 
I am always searching for

equilibrium

Berg und, and 
being a bridge connecting the mountain to the valley 

louise bergundtal had two children 
a daughter
my mothers mother – margaret 
and a son which name my mother does not remember
she tells me to ask my uncle

louise lost her son in a climbing accident
while he was out in the mountains
she heard violent knocking on the window 
but no-one was there

that was when he fell 

we are walking through the gardenthe grass is stretched widegeorg, the “earth worker” (dad) asks me about the different plants and trees we are passinghe shows me how to tell them apart and he tells me many times which ones to never!!! put in my mouth


･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆

            MilkstarLilyoftheValleyNightshade

･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆


since then so much time has passed and it became more important to read other languages than the language of leaves
so it moved into the back of my mind

theres pollen gathering on my phone screen as i write this
a fine layer of yellow dusty stars

i live so much closer to the sky now




Another Word for Hole is Opening, 2024
coming soon








The Hour of the Star, 2024
with Tiiu Meiner, performed at the Opening of Dreams of dreams of dreams, Onomatopee, Eindhoven NL
published in DREAMS, Onomatopee, Eindhoven NL 


We have yet to meet another life 
within our universe that dreams, 
makes means from stars 
like us— who do they shine for? 


Silence
no gravity, no rest
Floating, shooting 
it is
a matter of metaphor 
free, ungraspable, 
unbearable stream of light


Large and endless
a cosmic question mark


An explosion running away
from a violent and uninhabitable home
it holds itself together in a fist of darkness
aimed at you, in your room


You sleep in loneliness
loneliness is a shooting star


Stargrazer, gazer, close your eyes


Dreams are a world better built for conversing in
the language of a star
and this star came to you like a dream
seeing is believing, and you certainly see
a trace of an old movement, far gone
time, exposed by brightness, seeking refuge 
back in darkness, your pupil, your insides
translate this ancient message 
with instruments, you console, you interstellar cyborg

5 star superior experience

You navigate the city by counting the stars
to follow the star
to consume the star
to yearn for a north star, your guiding light 
under bright night skies
living under the nighttime glow of artificial light
the future is nothing but bright 

For a star in this world
catch a star 
touch a star
in the street 

At an intersection, at a pharmacy, at a coffee place
A star’s fate is determined by being seen 


Everyone thinks so
to the point of it detaching 
under the weight of greatness, 
floating off, increasingly impersonal, 
infinitely less emotional
it’s not you it's me
(thinking is acting and feeling is fact) 
in fact, stars do not feel anything for us


Black star
White star 
Left half black star
Right half black star
Star with left half black 
Star with right half black

Whatever you do, avoid an empty star
it's not a good sign

Stay inside and don’t meet your heroes
  1. Sun avoidance
  2. Sun protection 

we learned this from a certified dermatologists on
our star dust machinery
every hour is now a moment to scroll
time will soon no longer care to present the dance of stars 
you talk through it all to manufactured stars 
satellites about how


The universe is a ruthless place but thankfully 
reality is too enormous to grasp
you are a body of atoms trying to catch its own shadow
your body interrupting sunlight, trying to outrun 
your endings, over-take the sun’s beginnings,
on the pavement you are, like the universe, stuck inside a void

that moves existentially 
an angsty spiral 
a vast cloud of dust and gas
an endless  blare or 
a tear or
or a terror or
or a desperation or
a panting or
to catch a glimpse


Of the hour of the star
when is the hour of the star?
what is the hour of the star?


Night is 
more complicated than day, 
this interval has a tendency for crazy 
where space is an eternal inhale 
and four hours, from 1 to 5 am, 
it hosts old friends:
Chaos, Act-out and Erratic, 
a scheduled existential crisis 
where time goes luna tick tick tick tock 
mostly slept through, but when experienced it is 


Luminous, unattainable and glamorous
so intense, it shatters, fractures into a million billion trillion and more pieces
for us to spend lifetimes to regather, together 
define a passion for the void


Tools to catch a star 

A great scope for beginners, the Celestron NexStar 4SE is easy to use and set up, produces clear and bright images and has a whole host of useful features.
    4 stars

Celestron Inspire 100AZ – a great beginner scope for anyone just getting started with astronomy, it comes with a variety of accessories.
    4 stars

Celestron NexStar Evolution 9.25 – this is an exceptional telescope that is high quality, easy to set up and offers breathtaking views. It's suited well for experienced astronomers too.
    4.5 stars



Loud and crazy
it comes to you
(if you see stars it is advised to take a short break)
it culminates, carrying a wonder within 
a star’s fate is dependent 
on its mass, the abundance of its secret 


Then jerks into a collapse, a fainting, 
an ending a bit more than before
death, slips through the air
an inflamed splinter in the finger of the universe 


It had been
just a little bit too much
in a place that we could reach for
but not follow,
where, all forms, characters 
substance and meaning 
are concentrated into one fateful point: this point 
that is utterly marvelous, stupendous 
and filled with ecstatic necessity 


The world turns to face the protagonist
the sun, your eyes 
split open the chasmic/cosmic divide
you awaken, to your surprise
you are still in the celestial world
your body, made of the same stuff
as the night sky lights, the beginnings of a day, 
start with a dose of freshly made starlight, the sun light 
reaches us on Earth, roughly 8 minutes and 20 seconds old


I wish for you that this strange, sparkling, splendid thing will never fail you, 
whatever it is, that it gives you the strength to live on 
on with your scars, 
with the stars



The title of this poem, 'Hour of the Star Poem,' is inspired by The Hour of the Star by Clarice Lispecter, but this poem is an original work and not affiliated with the book or its copyright holders.





Glass Poem, 2024
with Tiiu Meiner, read during OOOReading: Building With Words, Nieuwe Instituut, 2024, Rotterdam NL



ONE
Earth was late to orbit Sun
(she’s still on pre-history time)
we write ourselves into you, you reading, 
circling, like the hand of a clock
we are your mother clocking center


prism baby, you refract, 
do you still have space for us in your pop-corn brain?
we do not perpetuate Linear Time & Linear Time does not perpetuate us
only moments 
passing through 
this surface 


but time exfoliates and begins again
today we leap 




TWO
                            empty / filled      with designed progress
this glass is                                     with daddy’s money  
                            filled / empty        with sweet pink brains


                            dependent
bank account check
again


the glass, this glass could break any moment with an ambitious knock
so glassy
so glossy
but hide the grass stain, the glass stain 


            stuck    
we are snakes eating ourselves in this glass jar 
            hungry/self-employed
            this project ends
but time exfoliates and begins again




THREE
& there is water dripping
in our bedroom: room for rent with fountain feature, 
marketing with mouthfuls of black mold
they don’t show this at the Biennale


rain circulates this planet since before mitochondria 
        figured life out 
super fantastic water gymnastic swimming classes
        start at 5pm
in the archives when they flood,
        will I be a good fossil?


clock check
again
this circle is a clock cult 

put a lid on it put a lid on us 
before we all go bad

        did anyone check the expiration date for this
                compost choreography 
                        corruption site
                                brothy boiling cesspit

in this fridge: tupperwares of air and spit


but begins again time exfoliates and
& so i do & so idea




FOUR
its hot 
your hot 
my hot
is it hot
all the ice melting between us
back into the sea
earth drama is trending in your area
            deep time make-out session
         you drink a glass of dinosaur spit
                    when we are done
she feels kind of oceanic lately
her tide is late
she is incubating


this air is the biggest collective project we        participate in
breathe into this glass jar canto
— a panting choir

a mist of words becomes a lake over time, 
becomes drained over time, becomes jacuzzi water 
over time
dear guest,
SORRY for the inconvenience
the whirlpool is currently broken 
to save on the energy bill 


slimy, sticky, lubricated memory of this moment
                                                                           
                                                        steamy 


                                                                petri-dish

disassociate
exfoliate




FIVE
meet us at the hydration station at the networking drinks 
for collaborative incubation think tanking— 
        sincerely sinking
in the sink


a spill, a spell of sorts 


HR says
      breathe in
      breathe out


a scam artist walking 
towards the edge 
looking at us 
processing at us
encrypting us in its memory
NPC— empty
glances, gestures, games, goals

(de)forming 


skin-care routine check
exfoliate




SIX

        in the dark our throat is not much different from a drain
the drain is blocked


did anyone ask what the plumber dreams about? 
time passes slower if you’re not having fun


everything is waiting just for us
, no rush :)
it ends we end
but time exfoliates and








Grounding Exercise, 2023
performed at auftakt festival, 2023, Cologne DE
read at Feminist Frequencies, Radio Echo x Radio Worm, 2024, Rotterdam NL 


2 modes
build 
fail





In geology, petrification 
is the process 
by which organic material 
becomes a fossil 
through the replacement 
of the original material 
and the filling 
of the original pore spaces 
with minerals
petrified wood typifies this process
but all organisms
from bacteria to vertebrates
can become petrified




For if your eyes 
are petrified in amazement
she will turn you to stone



layer

upon layer 

upon layer 

upon layer



Instruction:  
Take a stone in one hand and some sand in your other hand
Imagine how the stone in your hand turns into sand
Imagine how the sand in your hand 
turns into stone
What are you turning into?



We are walking down the streets
they are so familiar
I’ve seen them countless times
I see statues on facades and 
young beheaded women on fire escapes 
every window of every shop 
looks like a gallery
i look and look



blue sky is creeping 
through the buildings 
the yellow streetlights against the blue 
make me happy and anxious 



we are crossing sides 
i make fun of you walking faster 
on this side of the Atlantic 
you turn back with a grumpy smile
we arrive at the bakery 
named after a Sicilian volcano 






A crack in a stone

A crack in a bone

A crack in a stone

A crack in a bone

A crack in a stone

A crack in a bone

A crack in a stone

A crack in my bone





At the gym
I am working to turn myself into stone 
performing a scripted choreography 


position, lift
position, lift
pause 
repeat: position, lift
position, lift
pause 
repeat: position, lift
position, lift


I learn that 
muscles will only grow 
if they are first 
broken down

to sculpt a body
to break down 
entire areas of muscles 
to work these areas 
to failure 

controlled gestures 
same weights

same reps
same sets



destroy 
demolish 
collapse
crumble 
rebuild 








I WATCH CLOUDS PASS BY
HEAR STONES CRACK




It took me a while 
to find them 
but then I did
We had been walking 
for a long time 
until we finally 
reached the forest



The deeper
we got into the forest 
the darker 
and darker it became



The spaces between 
the trees grew larger
Green turned into gray


The ground covered with petrified
melted rock
no animals nowhere
We walked silently 
through this fossil of a forest
past crystalline stone formations 
and calcified foliage


As the sun transforms 
from a streak of light on the horizon 
into a sphere
we gather 
to summon our powers
We move inside 
a rock formation
Slowly we all kneel down
As my knees hit the floor
I feel a light sting on the kneecaps 
and move slightly 
to be more comfortable
We spread our arms wide 
in front of us
the fingers close together 



There is no talking between us
but we are connected 
by a faint humming 
passing from one member of the group to the next
The wind whirls up dust
the sky changes colors
The sun suddenly seems very close
Our humming intensifies
The ground cracks
Shifts
I can hear the song of ringing rocks traveling through the air 
Every sound becomes a voice



After a while
small spots of burning ash 
start to appear 
on the tips 
of the standing rocks
The glow spreads
traveling down the stones


Smoke rises
the glow leaves pulsating traces 
on the stones
forming a tight net of heat
dissolving all the rocks
Melting down the entire landscape constructions and concepts
Past
Present
Future
After the meltdown









I look at pictures of petrified forests online
I screenshot them 
and save them in a folder called “FUTURE”





I keep thinking about a short story 
I read a while ago
about a person consumed by grief slowly transforming into stone
her body crystallizes
toughens 



I look at an influencer wearing a shirt 
that says the keys 
to physical and spiritual health 
with pictures of healing stones 
set up in a grid




We sit down for lunch, there is 
some anxiety about being perceived 
by others who are also sitting down 
drinking their filter coffees and having their pastries[a][b]
We tell the dog to lie down 
and tell him he is a good boy



The waiter comes and brings us water 
and advises my friend to order that dish 
instead of the other
they’ll get more for their money



She comes back and brings us 
our orders and says 
its so funny my friend has a dog
that looks exactly like this dog 
and the dog is called 
Medusa 
and it’s strange 
cause I study greek mythology 
and know that 
Medusa 
is a woman actually 
and how weird 
to call a dog who is a boy 
Medusa



We laugh
and tell her it's actually our dog 
and medusa is also the word for jellyfish




jellywish





Let flowering weeds grow up 
in the whole in your side




fitness journey 
running journey 
sculpting journey
tracking milestones



Turn me to stone

Turn me to stone

Turn me to stone




early vases and stone-cravings 
depict 
Medusa 
as having been born 
a Gorgon 
but that slowly changes

according to Ovid 
Medusa 
was once 
a beautiful young maiden
with amazing hair
the only mortal of three sisters known 
as the Gorgons
her beauty catches the eye 
of the sea god Poseidon
who rapes her in the sacred temple 
of Athena
furious at the desecration of her temple
Athena curses 
Medusa 

turns her into a monster 
turns her beautiful hair 
into venomous snakes
turns her eyes into weapons
from now on 
whoever looks upon her face will 

turn to stone

Turn me to stone

Turn me to stone 

Turn me to stone 

Fill me up with your minerals 


You tell me 
you talked to 
this guy at a party in L.A. who 
has a classic poodle 
with a vibration collar 
and how it did wonders for his dog 
who was also reactive


I wonder 
if it actually did wonders for the dog
sounds like it mostly 
made life easier for the guy 
and I wonder 
if our lives with others 
are supposed to be easy 
and also 
how much we can sculpt 
the animals surrounding us


She asks me 
what are my plans for the night 
I tell her 
I have to get my dog from my friend 
and i ask her if she has a pet
she tells me she had a bird
a real bird
he died last year from a heart attack 
a door slammed shut loudly 
and he got scared and fell on the floor 
and was pretend dead 
completely frozen 
and that’s how he died 
because he wasn’t breathing enough


She says I have beautiful hair 
and recommends a hair mask 
(additional €5)
I say no
She recommends a conditioner (additional €3)
I say no
She recommends getting highlights 
to hide the white streaks
I say no
she says that's a first

She cuts the tips of my hair
so it falls in soft layers again
the ends fall to the ground like feathers


I remember 
mom refers to hair as feathers 
in her mothers tongue

The overall chemical composition 
of hair is 
45 % carbon
28 % oxygen
15 % nitrogen
7 % hydrogen
5 % sulfur
no minerals 
although eating minerals helps 
with hair growth


she tells me I should come back in eight weeks 
to cut the ends


The platform I booked 
the appointment through keeps 
sending me reminders 
to rate my experience 


three stars, it was ok


she calls me on the phone to ask me 
what she could do better 
she refuses to get three stars
she wants five


*****


LOOK AT THE MEDUSA 
SHE’S BEAUTIFUL 
AND SHE’S LAUGHING



i am thinking about 
last night's dinner 
with your high school friends 
how they each have 
a clear path carved out 
how they set one foot 
after the other 


your friend tells us 
about her wedding at the zoo 
how it can’t rain 
because then they’d have to do 
the ceremony with the rhinoceros 
and that’s going to be a bit smelly 
she shows us her dress 
gorgeous leaves 
draped around her beautiful body 

i ask if the leaves will be glued onto her 
no she says it’s invisible mesh 

our 2 hour slot at the restaurant is up so 
we take our fortune cookies mine says 
the fortune you seek can’t be found in this cookie 

we are walking to Annie’s Crisis Bar 
people are singing loudly around a piano 
i feel i want to belong to them 
your friends are talking about 
living in capitalism instead of under 





A crack in a stone

A crack in my bone





How did you sleep
Like a rock
10/10


Started at the gym yesterday
what did you do 
full body tested all the things there 
yay exciting 
yaaa so nice 
have always had so much social anxiety there 
before 
so was never possible to be present 
ugh yes
gym anxiety
hot face emoji




I WATCH CLOUDS PASS BY
HEAR STONES CRACK





A crack in a stone

A crack in my bone


i tell you how i feel i am 
lacking this clear vision of a path 

how i am wondering 
if there will even be a world in 30 years
how i don’t know 
how to carve a path for my life 

how the air seems to turn to stone 



kiss the stones

crushed little stars





keep turning

compost memories



creatives are the new athletes lol


After we send various 
ssense links to each other with 
workout outfits 
I see you on tinder 
and immediately swipe left


My friend says how rude 
you should always 
swipe your friends right 
so next time I see your picture 
I swipe the other way and we match 


At school 
we run into each other by the elevators and smile awkwardly
your friend is standing next to you 
and I feel 
like it's high school all over again



You come over 
and you text me you are wearing 
rain pants and I am not to laugh about it
You take them off in the elevator
I cook and we listen to music
You feel so shy 
and you make me feel shy 
and it's impossible to touch each other


The dog sitter texts: is it ok if we take his harness off while we are at home?

your italian friend says she was dripping 
and fell to the ground
and we talk about the humiliation 
of falling in public space


drop by drop 
by drop by drop
by drop


Mom sends pictures of the garden 
she tells me the bumblebees 
are making a comeback 
there is actually nothing to worry about 



instruction: 
place your body close to the ground 
be still and hold your breath 
endure the forces of erosion 
do not react to changes in 
weather
atmosphere 
season
be moved don’t move 




A crack in a stone

A crack in my bone



i sit in the sun next to you 
we are eating rainbow cookies 
and you hold my hand 
i think how i love how your hand 
feels in mine


people are passing by 
looking precious and sculpted 


we enter a bookstore 
i open a book on a random page 
it says 

this shore

of stones

remains 

it feels like a warning 





every stone is simultaneously 
intact and broken
a singular stone as well as a mountain
an entire planet



Can you answer me


no



Can you answer me


no



Can you answer me


no





I am learning 

to run quickly

with lightness and grace

and without falling


i can’t fall apart 
because i’ve never fallen together


no feelings, just vibes